Taking control of external situations
Every person is represented by a little circle in the EQ code. Each little circle is either green and happy, or red and hurt. Most people are held back because when they’re red they don’t know how to deal with it. So, we’re going to learn how to do the internal to external flip. This will assist you as a leader, an executive and at home.
What happens is, when something in our world goes wrong and we end up feeling frustrated, angry or annoyed, our natural inclination is to look outside of ourselves. We start wondering what happened in the external that we have an issue with. We try to fix that. When that turns into something green and happy (and the red goes away), our circle turns to green and happy too. An example in the workplace could be you misunderstand your leadership team in a delayed costly project, so you took it out on those around you, only to find out they had delivered on deadline. So now you treat those around you well because you are now happy. It all depends on your external.
The challenge is, when that reverses and the red external situation comes back. The green external goes away and our green feeling goes away, so we turn red with the external.
We use the internal to external flip to help you find an extreme form of control. (For all the control freaks, you’ll love it.) Both leaders and their teams begin to take control of the situation well after this basic concept is uncovered during our executive coaching.
We gain power in life when we understand that the external only ever stays red if we, as a little circle, have a similar issue on the inside. So, when we can see that external issue is only around because we don’t know how to change it, all of a sudden, the power has gone from being outside of ourselves to inside ourselves. It’s in that flip that we become the master of our own destiny. Our executive coaching online programs assist great leaders/executives and their teams to become aware and then flip more easily.
For example, if your colleague always speaks nastily to you. It makes you feel red because they always speak nastily to you. Yes, they are the one behaving badly. But do you want to take control?
To take control you start to look at ideas of your role in the situation. Some examples are:
- I’ve taught my colleague that it’s okay to speak nastily to me over the years by allowing them to do so.
- I choose to stand in the room when they speak nastily to me.
- Or more personally at home, I know that after speaking nastily to me they’ll feel bad and then apologise by buying me a gift. So, I allow this behaviour because I love getting presents.
All of a sudden, you’ll turn green because you’ll see how you are in control of them speaking rudely to you. You still might be a little bit red on the outside, but once you’ve really got control then you’ll start to come up with ideas of how stop that external.
Such as, I have a partner in my life, I choose to stay with the person who speaks nastily to me. I’ve never asked my partner to speak kindly to me. I’ve never told my partner what nasty looks like, sounds like and smells like to me. This happens in the workplace as well with colleagues and your leadership teams.
It’s the idea that you’re not at the whim of the external circumstances anymore. And it’s not about blaming yourself for these situations but figuring out what’s in your control versus what’s not in your control. You get to take charge of the change.
Some people have an internal blaming mechanism. So, when you do the internal to external flip, you’ve got to pat yourself on the back for being responsible. It’s not about blame, it’s about being in control.
You haven’t done the flip well if the decision you come up makes you feel bad. Done well, it makes you feel powerful and happy. And we all want that. Executive coaching in the workplace assists to take back control and improve performance and success outcomes.
Are you ready to gain control of your life both at work and at home? Chat with Nikk about how the EQ code empowers you to become the driver instead of the passenger.